别把责任推给柴米油盐
那日，我与两个多年未见的朋友会面，终于明白了那句话：“岁月是一把杀猪刀，岁月是一桶猪饲料。”
朋友甲曾是文艺女青年,清高矜持,早年的时候,她有一个梦想——每年去一个陌生的城市旅行,要活得潇洒淡然。朋友乙因为漂亮,一直都是人群的焦点,自认为一生一世都会很幸福。后来,她们相继结婚生子。几年后再见面,甲明显消瘦了,皱纹很明显,表情落寞；乙却胖了许多,长期做美容让她的脸像涂了蜡一般光华,表情却很呆滞。问及变化为何如此之大,她们的答案基本一致:被生活磨的。而且她们最终都说了这样的话:等你结婚了,你就会理解我们的处境了。
在生活和工作中接触过许多已婚女性,她们无一例外地向我说过这样的话:“等你结婚就明白了。”
如今我深入其中,才终于明白女人不爱自己的原因。房子、车子、孩子、票子、工作、柴米油盐……来势汹汹无法抵挡,她们的自我放弃,包含着成全主义。其实,我从来不认为人必须要为生活放弃自己喜欢的东西。在这个世界上,生活与梦想兼得的女性大有人在,柴米油盐、琴棋书画一样不落,她们辛苦,但依然很漂亮。
其实,岁月不是杀猪刀,也不是猪饲料,仅是替罪羊,是人们首先把自己变成了“猪”。没有一种吞噬不是从自我放弃开始,但愿别再把所有责任都推给柴米油盐。
Happiness Indicators in Various Stages of Life 人生各年龄层幸福感指标
The ups and downs of life may seem to have no predictable plan. But scientists now know there are very definite patterns that almost all people share. Even if you’ve passed some of your “prime”, you still have other prime years to experience in the future. Certain important primes seem to peak later in life.
When are you smartest? From 18—25, according to I.Q.scores; but you’re wiser and more experienced with increasing age.
You’re sharpest in your 20’s; around 30, memory begins to decline, particularly your ability to perform mathematical computations. But your I.Q.for other tasks climbs. Your vocabulary at age 45, for example is three times as great as when you graduated from college. At 60, your brain possesses almost four times as much information as it did at age 21. This trade-off between sharpness and wisdom has led psychologists to suggest that “maturity quotients” (M.Q.) be adopted for adults.
When are you happiest? You have the best physical sense of yourself from 15to 24; the best professional sense from 40 to 49.
Before age 24, we believe that our happiest years are yet to come; over30, we believe that they’re behind us.A National Health Survey agrees: After age 30, we “become more realistic and do not view happiness as a goal in itself. If we maintain our health, achieve professional and emotional goals, and then happiness, we feel, will follow”.
When are you most creative? Generally between 30and 39, but the peak varies with different professions.
Mozart wrote a symphony and four sonatas by age eight, and Mendelssohn composed his best known work A Midsummer Night’s Dream, at 17, but most of the great music was written by men between 33and 39. Though the peak in most fields comes early—most Nobel Prize winners did their top research in their late 20’s and 30’s—creative people continue to produce quality work throughout their lives. For the “well-conditioned mind”, there is no upper limit.